


Maybe I'll Kiss You

by reasonsimgoingtohell



Category: Eyewitness (US TV), Lukas Waldenbeck - Fandom, Philip Shea - Fandom, Philip Shea/Lukas Waldenbeck - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Ends on a good note, M/M, Mild angst I guess, Philip Shea/Lukas Waldenbeck - Freeform, Philkas - Freeform, and now this mess, first stucky, i'm sorry guys, it's a little angsty, its not that great but i hope you enjoy it, let my gay babies just be happy, philkas has taken over my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:25:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8731117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reasonsimgoingtohell/pseuds/reasonsimgoingtohell
Summary: “What’re you doing here?” Philip asks, taking a defensive stance. Lukas is still in a state of semi-permanent shock. It takes a few seconds for him to respond and even then he's still caught off guard. “I—I brought back your bike” Lukas attempts, instead of saying the other million things he wants to and should be saying. OrLukas messes up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.

Philip always comes back to him. No matter how big the fight they had was, no matter what idiotic things Lukas said to push him away. He would always come around and he would always have Lukas’ back. Every single time Lukas had done something, Philip had bounced back and been a rock for him, but this time it’s different.

It was a stupid argument that escalated into painful jabs and unnecessary comments. Hateful words were spewed in the heat of the moment. It was ugly and Lukas hated himself for the pain he caused Philip. He’d said things he wasn’t proud of but it seemed like Lukas had heard them all before until, “ _Maybe if your mother wasn’t a junkie we wouldn’t have met or gotten into this mess in the first place!_ ” Lukas had spat.

A deadly silence followed and the words immediately burned a hole through Lukas’ stomach. It was stupid and impulsive and he didn’t mean it. His chest ached at the thunderstorm of emotions that wreck Philip’s eyes. Philip nods, jaw tight and lips pressed together. “You’re right” he resigns. “Maybe we shouldn’t have met at all” were his last words before he pushed past Lukas and left his bedroom.

“ _Ph_ …” but the word dies on his tongue, heart twisting in painful ways as the brunette walked away.

A whole week had gone by where neither of them spoke. It was selfish but Lukas hoped that something would bring them together, or that something would bring Philip to him. Nothing does and he doesn’t know what to do or how to begin to apologise for what he said. He was also hoping Philip would come by to pick up his bike, just so Lukas could see him. He’d fixed his flat tire with shaking hands the same day as their fight and it was set behind the Waldenbeck house so it doesn’t lift suspicion with Lukas’ dad.

Lukas barely slept that night, mind racing with all the events of the past month. When he did fall asleep, at almost dawn, he had an awful nightmare that left him shaken and on edge all day. What made it all worse was that he couldn’t go be with Philip, who understood him so well and knew exactly how to bring him down. Because Philip is kind and gentle, and all he wants is to be with Lukas. He’s warm and understanding and he’s thoughtful and smart. Every time Lukas thought he’d figured him out, he surprised him. He was like an endless puzzle that continuously changed, continuously became more intriguing and Lukas loved that about him.

Lukas made a mistake. He pushed Philip away and he pushed too hard, because he wasn’t ready to accept himself yet, because it dawned on him that what he feels for Lukas is something he’s never felt before. Something so sincere and unfathomable, something he hasn’t had with anyone.

_“Does your stomach hurt?”_

It’s occurred to him before. A thousand times over and a thousand times over he’s shut down that voice in his head, blasted his music or gotten on his bike to stop the thoughts. He wasn't ready for that yet and it was unfair for him to project on Philip the way he did because he wasn't ready to accept the feelings he feels.

He’s painfully aware of Philips absence and as the week goes on he becomes more and more aware of it. More and more aware of everything Philip did for him. When he received news about a sponsorship, he’d dug out his phone, beaming with happiness and ready to call Philip, only for reality to come crashing down. When his father screamed at him for coming home late, reeking of alcohol, all he wanted was to curl up beside Philip and have his fingers carding through his hair. When his friends asked him what was wrong, his mouth went dry and he couldn’t explain it, because he never had to explain anything with Philip.

So, on Saturday night, Lukas picks up Philips bike and makes his way to the Torrance-Caldwell residence, determined to make things right. He rides the bike as fast as he can, mind racing with what he should say to Philip but none of it seemed right.

When he’s near the house, he stops to catch his breath and calm his nerves. He brushes his fingers through his hair and takes a minute to gather himself and then he walks his way up to the house, leaving the bike near the porch. He straightens his clothes and takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

Neves bubble in his stomach as he waits and his heart suddenly begins beating hard against his ribcage. He wipes his hands against the front of his jeans and then the door swings open.

“Lukas” Gabe says, sounding surprised. Lukas wonders if Philip had said anything to him. “It’s good to see you” he says. Lukas nods, swallowing “Hi Dr. Caldwell” and his voice is a little shaky but he can hardly hear himself over the sound of his heart. “Is everything alright?” he asks, brows drawing together. “Yeah, everything’s fine” Lukas says, swallowing again.

Gabe observes him for a moment longer before nodding. “Then you must be looking for Philip” he says. Lukas had never quite gotten used to speaking with Gabe. He wasn’t used to the gentleness and compassion in his tone. “Is he around?” he asks. “Actually, he left about an hour ago, said he was going for a walk” Gabe tells him. “But you’re welcome to stay and wait for him” he adds.

“No, it’s fine, I’ll drop by some other time” Lukas says, already taking a step back. “You sure? He should be back soon” Gabe says, glancing at his watch. “It’s okay, I’ll see him in school” Lukas says, but he’s already planning his route around all of Philip’s favourite spots. The places he goes to when he says he’s “Going for a walk”, the places where they’d shared so many moments.

“Hey, Lukas” Gabe then says, stepping out of the house and pulling the door behind him so it was open only a fraction. Lukas pieces that he probably doesn’t want Helen to hear what he’s going to say next. “Philip…he’s been a little” he pauses, considering his next words. “Closed off” he finishes. It’s a blow to Lukas’ gut. Because that’s his fault. It’s his fault Philip hasn’t been okay.

“And I know you two are close” Lukas doesn’t know if it’s the adrenaline pumping through his veins, or the ache in his ribcage or if his ears had stopped working properly all together but it’s almost as if that sentence had a double meaning. _I know you two are close_. Lukas nods, waiting for him to continue, not trusting his voice. “Just make sure he’s okay for us?” he asks gently. Lukas wonders if Philips real father was this gentle and kind, because Philip had to have gotten it from somewhere.

Lukas nods again and Gabe squeezes his shoulder before going back into the house.

Leaving Philip’s bike near porch, Lukas begins his walk down to the barn. It’s all locked up but that doesn’t mean Philip can’t be nearby. He sometimes hid behind the barn to be alone, but Lukas doesn’t find him there.

He checks Philip’s spot in the woods, a giant boulder he likes to sit on top of and listen to music, but finds it vacant. He spends the next hour looking for him, worrying more about finding him than what he’ll say.

It’s awfully poetic when it begins to rain and Lukas doesn’t even find it in himself to complain. So he takes Philip’s bike back to his house, leaves it sitting outside and begins his walk home despite the worry eating away at him. He pulls his hoodie up and keeps his head down, heart heavy as he walked off the property.

The rain gets heavier, and suddenly is gushing down, dirt turning to mud beneath his shoes.

Then he knocks into something hard but instinctively his hands fly out to catch it before his brain can process what’s happening. There’s a moment of complete shock and then Lukas’ heart begins racing at a thousand beats a minute because it’s Philip. He’s holding onto Philip and the boy is soaked through, brown eyes as pretty as Lukas remembered.

It takes Philip a moment to absorb the sight in front of him too, his hands clutching tightly onto Lukas’ jacket…and Lukas. He looks exhausted, eyes sunken in and dark circles prominent against his pale skin. His eyes are a little puffy, though he’d been crying and his cheeks are pink from the cold. It takes everything for Philip to not yank the taller boy into a hug and hold on until he’s feeling better. Especially with Lukas looking lost and in anguish.

He lets go and he steps away, brushing his dripping hair away from his face.

“What’re you doing here?” Philip asks, taking a defensive stance arms folded. But Lukas is still in a state of semi-permanent shock. It takes a few seconds for him to respond and even then it’s like he was caught off guard. “I—I brought back your bike” Lukas attempts, instead of saying the other million things he wants to and should be saying.

Philip looks at him with disbelief and walks past him towards the house.

“Wait!” Lukas calls over the sound of the rain, grabbing onto Philip’s hand. The brunette looks back at him, defences built up high but there’s a glimmer in his eyes that tells Lukas that maybe, just _maybe_ he has a shot. “Wait” he repeats quietly, stepping closer.

He swallows, “Philip, I’m sorry” he says and he doesn’t understand it when there’s a sharp pain in his chest as Philip scoffs and turns away. But Lukas’ brain knows to keep a tight hold on his hand, “No, please, Philip” Lukas begs “I messed up and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I said” Lukas admits.

Philip is watching him with an unreadable expression and Lukas suspects that he hasn’t realised how tightly he’s holding onto Lukas’ hand. It gives Lukas that little bit of confidence he needs to get the next words out.

“I’m not used to…talking about my feelings and my dad…” he pauses “He can be pretty rough”, Philip sees pain in those blue lakes. “I got way too defensive way too fast because I always have to justify myself with him” he explains. “It’s different with you” he says, drops of water falling from the ends of his hair and blue eyes turning electric against the lightening. “Because somehow you understand me, and even when I do shitty things, you come back” with a little more courage now, he steps closer and takes Philip’s other hand. “And I don’t deserve you but I still want you” he says.

“I really like you, Philip” he confesses, coming even closer and softly pressing their foreheads together. “And the last week hasn’t been the same without you” he murmurs.

Philip’s heart is racing and Lukas is so close and he’s holding onto his hands so tightly, unwilling to let go. He knows that what they have is good, regardless of how their relationship came about, because Lukas made him feel good. When he was being himself, when they’re alone and the rest of the world isn’t watching. He knows that Lukas is learning to accept himself because he went from _I’m not that guy_ to _I like you, idiot_. It’s stupid but it warms Philip’s heart. It reassures him that Lukas cares.

Lukas cares and Philip can feel his hands shaking in his own.

“ _Philip_ ” he breathes and that’s his breaking point. Philip lets go of Lukas’ hands to grab him and pull him closer, slamming their lips together and Lukas is more than happy to comply. One of his hands clasps the back of Philip’s neck and the other cradles his face. It’s familiar and it’s comforting and Lukas can finally feel his heart settling and his nerves seeping away.

Lukas is left surprised and wanting more when Philip abruptly pulls away. He leans back in but Philip pulls back, thumbs brushing against Lukas’ hips under his jacket. “I’m sorry, too” he says, eyes holding too much sincerity. “You have nothing to apologise for” Lukas whispers, pressing a kiss to Philip’s forehead.

“You know Helen or Gabe could walk out at any moment?” Philip asks, a little playfulness bleeding into the equation. “I really don’t care right now” Lukas says, locking his arms around Philip’s waist and hoisting the brunette into a tight hug. Philip holds on, unable to stop the laughter that escapes his lips as Lukas spins him around. “Put me down, Lukas!” he demands, but this only makes Lukas stop spinning around.

“What are you going to do to stop me?” Lukas taunts, staring up at Philip with happiness dancing in his eyes. “Maybe I’ll kiss you” Philip says, droplets of water falling from his hair onto Lukas’ face. “C’mere then” Lukas says, slowly lowering him, their bodies sliding together until Philip’s feet touch the ground again. Philip pecks his lips and it’s when he pulls away to drag Lukas to the barn so they could get a little warmer that they hear Gabe’s voice.

“Philip? Is that you?” he calls over the sound of the pelting rain. Philip looks to Lukas, asking the question with his eyes and Lukas takes a second but he nods. So they jog back to the house together, met by exclamations from Gabe and Helen at their state. But it’s alright, because it’s warm inside and their coddled by Philip’s foster parents but it’s okay because Philip is looking at Lukas the way he used to. With adoration and a little mischief under the surface.

Philip uses the first out he gets to take Lukas to his room, each with a towel around their shoulders. Getting into dry clothes takes a little longer than it should. Mainly because Lukas can’t help but pull Philip close at the first opportunity he gets and kiss him. But the smile that tugs on Philip’s lips tells him it’s okay.

They return to the living room and Lukas looks adorable in Philip’s clothes but Philip has to act cool, so that they don’t raise suspicion. Gabe has prepared everyone hot chocolate and Helen has two blankets set on the couch, ready for the boys. “Keep warm” she tells them, taking Lukas’ wet clothes and leaving to put them in the drier.

Philip steals a glance at his boyfriend and he bites his bottom lip, looking away as soon as Gabe walked into the room.

An hour later and it’s still raining outside, softer than earlier but still too wet for Lukas to walk home. Helen offers to drive him and he makes the excuse of leaving his phone in Philips room –which he did, on purpose—so he could get a second alone with Philip. He’s back to his own clothes and they’re soft and warm against Philips hands as he wraps his arms around Lukas. They hug hard and close and Lukas peppers kisses across Philip’s cheeks when they pull away, making the brunette laugh quietly.

A simple locking of lips and then they emerge from Philip’s bedroom. “Ready?” Helen asks, putting on her jacket. Lukas nods, “Thank you, for everything” Lukas says politely. “Any friend of Philip’s is always welcome in our home” Gabe says, same earnestness as before. Philip notices the way his words affect Lukas, even in the slight change in his shy little smile. He has to remember to ask him about that later.

“Come on kiddo” Helen says. Lukas looks at Philip and then he’s following Helen out the front door.

It’s when Philip has crawled into bed that he receives the text message.

 

 **Lukas 11:08PM:** _I’m still wearing your shirt._

 

It makes him smile.

 

 **Philip 11:08PM:** _Looked better on you anyway x_

 **Lukas 11:08PM:** _…_

 

Those three dots flicker and disappear for a whole minute before Philip receives the next text message.

 

 **Lukas 11:10PM:** _Goodnight Philip x_

 

Philip chews on his bottom lip.

 

 **Philip 11:10PM:** _What were you going to say?_

 

The dots flicker again but this time Philip gets a response much faster.

 

 **Lukas 11:10PM:** _I miss you_

 

Now the dots flicker for Lukas but his heart settles as soon as he sees Philip's next message. 

**Philip 11:11PM:** _I miss you too :(_

**Philip 11:11PM:** _Tomorrow? The lake?_

 

In his own bed, Lukas smiles. Happy that Philip chose not to poke fun at his confession.

 

 **Lukas 11:11PM:** _The lake after school_

 **Philip 11:11PM:** _You got it. I’ll bring bad sandwiches._

 

It’s dumb but it makes Lukas smile and he’s just so happy they’re back together.

 

 **Lukas 11:11PM:** _You spoil me._

 **Philip 11:11PM:** _Goodnight Lukas x_

 **Lukas 11:11PM:** _Goodnight babe x_

 

A few minutes go by where Philip reminds himself that they’re okay now and then his phone buzzes again.

 

 **Lukas 11:16PM:** _Your hair looks stupid when it’s wet._

 

This time when Philip bits his bottom lip it’s to stifle a laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still sorry.


End file.
